Consent

What is consent?

An agreement between two people to engage in sexual activity.

Continual

Consent should be given every step of the way and on an ongoing basis throughout the sexual encounter.

Sober

Consent cannot be provided if someone is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Mutual

Consent should be clearly provided by all individuals.

Informed

All individuals should know what they are consenting to.

Clear

There should be no question to you that consent has been given.

A lack of a “no” does not equal a “yes” consent.

Conscious

All individuals should be awake and consenting.

Enthusiastic

All individuals should be excited and positive about the sexual encounter.

Freely Given

Consent should be provided without the use of guilt, bribery, conditions or force.

How to ask for consent:

  • “Do you want to have sex?”
  • “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
  • “Are you alright?”
  • “Do you want me to keep going?”
  • “Do you want me to stop?”
  • “Would you like to….”
  • “Do you like that?”
  • “Are you okay?”

Commonly Asked Questions About Consent

I didn’t resist physically — does that mean it isn’t sexual assault?

People respond to an assault in different ways. Just because you didn’t resist physically doesn’t mean it wasn’t sexual assault— in fact, many victims make the conscious decision that physical resistance would cause the attacker to become more violent. Lack of consent can be expressed (saying “no”) or it can be implied from the circumstances (for example, if you were under the statutory age of consent, if you were temporarily incapacitated, or if you were afraid to object because the perpetrator threatened to harm you or a loved one).

I used to date the person who assaulted me — does that mean it isn’t sexual assault?

Sexual assault can occur when the offender and the victim have a pre-existing relationship (sometimes called “date rape” or “acquaintance rape”), or even when the offender is a victim’s spouse. It does not matter whether the other person is an ex-lover or a complete stranger, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex in the past.

I don’t remember the assault — does that mean it isn’t sexual assault?

Just because you don’t remember being assaulted doesn’t necessarily mean it didn’t happen and that it wasn’t rape. Memory loss can result from the ingestion of GHB and other “rape drugs,” and from excessive alcohol consumption. Note, without clear memories or physical evidence, it may be more difficult to pursue prosecution (talk to us or your local police for guidance).

I was asleep or unconscious when it happened — does that mean it isn’t sexual assault?

If you were asleep or unconscious, then you didn’t give consent. Note, though, that without clear memories or physical evidence, it may be more difficult to pursue prosecution (talk to us or your local police for guidance).

I was drunk or he/she was drunk — does that mean it isn’t sexual assault?

Alcohol and drugs are not an excuse — or an alibi. The key question is still: did you consent or not? Regardless of whether you were drunk or sober, if the sex is nonconsensual, it is rape. If you were unconscious due to drug or alcohol consumption, that means you were unable to give consent.

I thought “no,” but didn’t say it — does that mean it isn’t sexual assault?

It depends on the circumstances. If you didn’t say “no” because you were legitimately scared for your life or safety, then it may be rape. Sometimes it isn’t safe to resist, physically or verbally.

If I said "yes" at first then change my mind — does that mean it isn’t sexual assault?

You are allowed to verbally rescind consent at any time during the sexual encounter, consent has to be ongoing. Providing consent one day does not mean that consent is given the next day or at any future time, positive consent must be given every time.